Writing Examples

NSW Selective Writing Samples (Band 5–6) with Feedback and Analysis

Written by Hao, a Sydney data analyst and parent of a 2025 NSW Selective student. Last updated 25 June 2026.

Below are 6 sample essays at Band 5 and Band 6 level, covering narrative, persuasive, and informative genres. Each includes a full score breakdown across all 6 dimensions with detailed feedback, so you can see exactly what separates good writing from great writing in the NSW Selective Writing Test.

The score breakdowns below use EurekaWrite's six-dimension framework, built to mirror the qualities the NSW Selective Writing Test rewards. For the full scoring framework and band ranges, see our NSW Selective Writing Test guide. For what each dimension means in plain English and what a marker is looking for, see the marking criteria guide. After reading these samples, the natural next step is to write your own under timed conditions, our 24 original practice prompts across all three genres are set up for exactly that.

How these are scored: these scores and "Band 5 / Band 6" labels are illustrative estimates using EurekaWrite's six-dimension framework, calibrated against 42 human-marked essays (see our accuracy page). They are a teaching tool, not official NSW results, and NSW does not return per-dimension marks to families. The essays are original, condensed teaching samples.

Sample 1: Narrative: Band 5

Prompt

Essay

The lights flickered once, then everything went dark. At first, I thought it was just a minor glitch. But as silence filled the house and the hum of electricity disappeared, I realised the entire neighbourhood had lost power. Outside, shadows stretched across the street, and voices began to rise in confusion. I stepped outside, joining my neighbours who were already gathering. Someone lit a candle, and soon others followed. The street, once ordinary, felt strangely alive in the soft glow of flickering light. As the hours passed, we talked (really talked) without phones or distractions. Stories were shared, laughter echoed, and for the first time in a long while, everything felt simple. When the lights finally returned, I almost wished they hadn't.

Score: 21/25 (Band 5)

Dimension	Score	Commentary
Content & Detail	4/5	Strong, sustained focus on a single evening, with specific, original imagery in the opening ("flickering light", "shadows stretched across the street"). Relevant and clearly developed.
Structure & Cohesion	4/5	Logical progression from problem to experience to reflection. Strong opening and a satisfying, resonant ending.
Style & Vocabulary	3/5	Some atmospheric phrases ("strangely alive", "soft glow"), but what holds Style at 3 is the middle, which falls back on generic, telling phrasing ("Stories were shared, laughter echoed") instead of showing one specific moment.
Sentence Variety	4/4	Good mix of sentence lengths and structures. Short punchy sentences balanced with longer, flowing ones.
Punctuation	3/3	Accurate and controlled use of dashes, commas, and full stops.
Spelling	3/3	Accurate throughout, including words like "neighbourhood" and "disappeared".

This narrative shows strong Band 5 qualities: clear structure, specific details, and a reflective ending. The single-event focus is effective, the student zooms into one evening rather than covering a whole day. What keeps it at Band 5 is the middle: the gathering is summarised instead of shown through one specific moment, which is exactly the gap the improvement section below tackles.

Sample 2: Narrative: Band 6

Prompt

Essay

I had always thought of Grandpa as slow. Slow to walk, slow to answer, slow to laugh. He moved through the house like a shadow that had forgotten how to leave. But that Saturday morning, everything shifted. We found him in the garage, hunched over a wooden frame, hands trembling but precise. Curls of pale timber littered the floor. He was building something, a birdhouse, I realised, with tiny carved flowers along the roof. "I used to make these for your grandmother," he said without looking up. His voice was quiet, but steady. I watched his fingers work, guiding the chisel with a patience I had never noticed before. Each cut was deliberate. Each flower was different. When he finally held it up to the light, the shadows of the carved petals danced across the wall. He handed it to me. "For your windowsill," he said. And for the first time, I saw the artist behind the silence, a man who had spent decades shaping beautiful things for people he loved, asking for nothing in return. I carried the birdhouse to my room and set it by the window. The light caught the petals every morning after that, and each time, I thought of his hands, not slow, but careful.

Score: 24/25 (Band 6)

Dimension	Score	Commentary
Content & Detail	4/5	Single event explored with depth and original imagery ("curls of pale timber", "shadows of carved petals"). Held one mark short of full: the scorer runs strict on strong writing, and the central revelation, though moving, follows a familiar arc.
Structure & Cohesion	5/5	Clear arc from misperception to revelation. "But that Saturday morning" pivots effectively. Circular ending ("not slow, but careful") connects beautifully to the opening.
Style & Vocabulary	5/5	Sophisticated choices ("deliberate", "precise") and figurative language ("shadow that had forgotten how to leave"). Consistent, mature reflective voice throughout.
Sentence Variety	4/4	Excellent range: short fragments ("Slow to walk, slow to answer, slow to laugh") balanced with longer descriptive sentences. Rhythmic and controlled.
Punctuation	3/3	Dashes, commas, and dialogue punctuation all used accurately. Internal punctuation enhances readability and pacing.
Spelling	3/3	Accurate throughout, including ambitious words like "deliberate" and "chisel".

What Makes This Band 6

This narrative demonstrates the qualities that separate Band 6 from Band 5:

• Originality: The metaphor of the grandfather as a "shadow" is unexpected and sustained throughout the piece
• Emotional restraint: Feelings are shown through actions and images, never stated directly
• Circular structure: "Slow" is reframed as "careful" at the end, providing genuine insight
• Precise vocabulary: Every word is chosen deliberately, "trembling but precise", "guiding the chisel"

Sample 3: Persuasive: Band 5

Prompt

Essay

Should a ten-year-old spend their Saturday solving equations instead of climbing trees? I believe that weekend homework does more harm than good, and schools should reconsider this outdated practice. Firstly, weekends provide essential rest for growing minds. Research consistently shows that children who have unstructured free time develop better problem-solving skills and creativity. When every hour is scheduled with academic tasks, students lose the opportunity to explore, play, and recharge. A tired student on Monday morning is not a productive one. Secondly, weekend homework takes away from valuable family time. Many families only have Saturday and Sunday to spend together, especially when both parents work. Replacing this time with worksheets sends the message that academic pressure matters more than connection, a message no child should receive. Some may argue that homework reinforces learning and builds discipline. While this is partly true for weeknight revision, weekend homework rarely introduces new skills. Instead, it often creates stress and resentment, which actually makes students less willing to learn. Schools should trust that five days of focused learning, combined with quality rest, is enough. Students deserve weekends that recharge them, not drain them. If we want children who love learning, we must first give them the space to breathe.

Score: 21/25 (Band 5)

Dimension	Score	Commentary
Content & Detail	3/5	Clear thesis, two developed arguments, and a counterargument. What holds Content at 3 is the evidence: it stays general ("Research consistently shows…") instead of one specific, concrete example the reader can picture.
Structure & Cohesion	4/5	Strong logical flow: thesis → arguments → counterargument → conclusion. Effective use of "Firstly," "Secondly," and clear paragraph breaks.
Style & Vocabulary	4/5	Good rhetorical question opening, emotive language ("stress and resentment"), and a formal tone. Direct address ("we") in the conclusion is effective.
Sentence Variety	4/4	Strong mix: rhetorical question, short declarative ("A tired student on Monday morning is not a productive one"), and longer complex sentences.
Punctuation	3/3	Commas after introductory phrases and the rhetorical question mark all used correctly.
Spelling	3/3	Accurate throughout, including topic vocabulary like "unstructured" and "resentment".

This persuasive essay shows strong Band 5 qualities: a clear thesis, well-structured arguments, and a counterargument that demonstrates mature thinking. The rhetorical question opening and memorable conclusion are effective. What holds it at Band 5 is the evidence, which stays general ("Research consistently shows…") rather than giving one concrete example, the move shown in the improvement section below.

Sample 4: Persuasive: Band 6

Prompt

Essay

Imagine working hard for weeks, sitting a test on a morning when you woke up sick, and being told that one bad hour will follow you for the rest of the year. That is what we do every time we refuse to let a student redo a test, and it is time we changed it. The purpose of a test is to find out what a student has learned, not to punish them for a single bad day. A child who scores poorly, studies the topic again, and then passes a second attempt has clearly learned the material. Refusing the redo does not measure their knowledge more accurately; it simply freezes them at their worst moment. Some will argue that redoing tests is unfair to the students who did well the first time, or that it lets lazy students off the hook. But a redo is not a gift handed out for nothing. It is earned by going back, finding the gap, and closing it, which is harder work than getting the answer right the first time. The student who avoids that work simply fails again. There is also a quieter cost to the way we do things now. When a single result is final, students learn to fear mistakes instead of learning from them. They start choosing the safe answer over the interesting one, and the curious risk-takers are the ones who lose the most. A school that allows redos teaches something more useful than any one topic: that falling short is the beginning of getting better, not the end of it. A test should be a checkpoint, not a verdict. If we truly want students to learn, we should reward the ones brave enough to try again.

Score: 23/25 (Band 6)

Dimension	Score	Commentary
Content & Detail	4/5	A sharp thesis ("a checkpoint, not a verdict") developed through reasoned arguments, a genuine counterargument, and picturable framing ("a morning when you woke up sick", "the safe answer over the interesting one") instead of a vague "research shows". Held one mark short: strict on strong, the case rests on strong reasoning more than any single hard piece of evidence.
Structure & Cohesion	5/5	Tight persuasive arc: a vivid hook, the thesis, an argument, a counterargument it actually answers, a deeper third point, and a close that returns to the opening line.
Style & Vocabulary	4/5	Confident and controlled, with a memorable frame ("a checkpoint, not a verdict"). Held one mark short: the persuasive register is plainer and more direct than the figurative narrative voice in Sample 2, which suits the genre but keeps Style off full marks.
Sentence Variety	4/4	Strong range: the long, image-rich opening sentence set against short, decisive ones ("The student who avoids that work simply fails again.").
Punctuation	3/3	A semicolon and commas used accurately to control pace and to balance contrasting ideas.
Spelling	3/3	Accurate throughout, including "accurately" and "curious".

What Makes This Band 6

The difference from the Band 5 persuasive above is not more arguments, it is sharper evidence and a tighter frame. Where the Band 5 piece reached for "research consistently shows", this one makes the reader see the unfair moment (a child who woke up sick) and feel the deeper cost (students choosing the safe answer over the interesting one). And every paragraph is pulled back to one line, "a checkpoint, not a verdict", which is what gives a persuasive piece its force.

Sample 5: Informative: Band 5

Prompt

Essay

Standing up in front of the class can feel terrifying, but the secret is that a good presentation is mostly won before you ever say a word. The students who seem confident are not braver than everyone else. They are simply better prepared. The first step is to know your topic properly. Read more than you need, so that when a question comes you have an answer ready. If you understand your subject well, you will not have to rely on reading every word off a card. Next, practise out loud, not just in your head. Saying the words aloud shows you which sentences are too long and where you run out of breath. Practising in front of a mirror, or to a family member, makes the real thing feel familiar. Finally, plan for your nerves instead of hoping they disappear. Take a slow breath before you start, hold your cards lightly so your hands have something to do, and remember that a short pause looks calm, not panicked. Preparation will not make the nerves vanish completely. But it turns a frightening moment into something you have already practised, and that is what makes the difference.

Score: 20/25 (Band 5)

Dimension	Score	Commentary
Content & Detail	3/5	One clear controlling idea ("a presentation is won before you speak"), carried through three ordered steps. What holds Content at 3 is that the advice stays expected (know your topic, practise, manage nerves) without one fresh, specific detail the reader has not met before.
Structure & Cohesion	4/5	Clean advice-article shape: a hook, three signposted steps ("first", "next", "finally"), and a reflective close that returns to the opening idea.
Style & Vocabulary	3/5	Plain and functional, which suits an advice article but rarely lifts off the page. What holds Style at 3 is that the language stays everyday throughout ("makes the real thing feel familiar"), without a sharper image or phrase to make it memorable.
Sentence Variety	4/4	Good mix: short emphatic sentences ("They are simply better prepared.") set against longer instructional ones.
Punctuation	3/3	Commas, full stops, and paired commas for asides, all used accurately.
Spelling	3/3	Accurate throughout, including "terrifying" and "familiar".

This article does the core job of informative writing well: it picks one idea and organises everything around it. What keeps it at Band 5 is that the advice, while clear and useful, stays general. A single specific, surprising detail in any of the three steps would lift the Content, the same "make it specific" move shown in the improvement section below.

Sample 6: Informative: Band 6

Prompt

Essay

There is a plan to remove the old fig tree at the edge of the playground, and on paper it makes sense. The roots are lifting the asphalt, and a new tree would be tidier. But the fig is not decoration to be swapped out. It is the one living thing in the yard that has watched every student who has ever passed through, and that is worth more than a smooth path. Start with the obvious: shade. On a forty-degree day, the fig is the only place in the yard where the heat lets go of you. The younger students gather under it the way travellers gather at an oasis, and a new sapling will not offer that for twenty years. Cutting it down does not just remove a tree; it removes the only cool corner of an asphalt yard. But the fig does more than keep us cool. It keeps time. Its lowest branch carries the worn shine of a thousand hands; the hollow near its base has hidden countless games of hide-and-seek. A building can be repainted and forgotten, but a tree like this collects memory in a way nothing new can replace. Of course the roots are a problem, and of course safety matters. But there are gentler answers than removal: the path can curve, the roots can be guided, the cracked asphalt can be cut back. We do not pull down a whole library because one shelf has begun to lean. The fig is not in the way of the school. It is the part of the school that remembers us. Some things are worth building around.

Score: 24/25 (Band 6)

Dimension	Score	Commentary
Content & Detail	5/5	One genuinely original controlling idea (the tree as the yard's memory, not its decoration) threaded through every paragraph, with fresh, specific images ("the worn shine of a thousand hands"). The strongest Content in the set.
Structure & Cohesion	5/5	Confident discursive shape: it concedes the case for removal up front, builds shade then memory, offers a gentler solution, and the final line ("worth building around") lands the controlling idea.
Style & Vocabulary	4/5	Precise and mature ("the heat lets go of you", "it keeps time"), sounding knowledgeable without inventing statistics. Held one mark short: the "oasis" and "library" comparisons, though effective, are a little familiar.
Sentence Variety	4/4	Deliberate range: very short declaratives ("It keeps time.") cut against longer, flowing sentences for rhythm and emphasis.
Punctuation	3/3	Colons and semicolons used accurately to balance and contrast ideas, not just for decoration.
Spelling	3/3	Accurate throughout, including ambitious words like "asphalt" and "oasis".

What Makes This Band 6

The writer never states a single real statistic, yet the piece sounds authoritative. That is the heart of high-scoring informative writing: markers reward the shape of knowledge, a controlling idea, specific images, and a confident voice, not invented data. Every paragraph returns to one thread (the tree is the school's memory, not its decoration), and the close turns that thread into a line worth remembering.

How to Improve to Band 6

The pattern is the same in both: the Band 6 version is not longer or fancier, it is more specific. It swaps a summary or a general claim for one concrete picture the reader can see. That single move, repeated two or three times across a piece, is most of the distance between Band 5 and Band 6. Spelling and punctuation should already be clean by this level, those are cheap marks to protect, not where the band is won.

How to Practise with Feedback

Students improve fastest when they:

• Write regularly under timed conditions
• Receive detailed feedback across all 6 scoring dimensions
• Rewrite based on specific suggestions

Tools like EurekaWrite help identify exactly where marks are lost and what to improve next, giving students a clear path from Band 4 to Band 5 and beyond.