Writing Examples

NSW Selective Writing Samples (Band 5–6) with Feedback and Analysis

Below are 3 sample essays at Band 5 and Band 6 level, covering narrative and persuasive genres. Each includes a full score breakdown across all 6 dimensions with marker commentary, so you can see exactly what separates good writing from great writing in the NSW Selective Writing Test.

Sample 1: Narrative — Band 5 (Year 5 Level)

Prompt

Essay

The lights flickered once, then everything went dark. At first, I thought it was just a minor glitch. But as silence filled the house and the hum of electricity disappeared, I realised the entire neighbourhood had lost power. Outside, shadows stretched across the street, and voices began to rise in confusion. I stepped outside, joining my neighbours who were already gathering. Someone lit a candle, and soon others followed. The street, once ordinary, felt strangely alive in the soft glow of flickering light. As the hours passed, we talked — really talked — without phones or distractions. Stories were shared, laughter echoed, and for the first time in a long while, everything felt simple. When the lights finally returned, I almost wished they hadn't.

Score: 20/25 (Band 5)

Dimension	Score	Commentary
Content & Detail	4/5	Clear focus with specific imagery ("flickering light", "shadows stretched"). The essay maintains a single event explored in depth.
Structure & Cohesion	4/5	Logical progression from problem to experience to reflection. Strong opening and a satisfying, resonant ending.
Style & Vocabulary	4/5	Strong word choices ("strangely alive", "soft glow") and consistent, reflective tone throughout.
Sentence Variety	4/4	Good mix of sentence lengths and structures. Short punchy sentences balanced with longer, flowing ones.
Punctuation	3/3	Accurate and controlled use of dashes, commas, and full stops.
Spelling	1/3	Minor inconsistencies noted.

This Year 5 level narrative demonstrates strong Band 5 qualities: clear structure, specific details, and a reflective ending. The single-event focus is particularly effective — rather than covering a whole day, the student zooms into one evening and explores it deeply.

Sample 2: Narrative — Band 6 (Year 6 Level)

Prompt

Essay

I had always thought of Grandpa as slow. Slow to walk, slow to answer, slow to laugh. He moved through the house like a shadow that had forgotten how to leave. But that Saturday morning, everything shifted. We found him in the garage, hunched over a wooden frame, hands trembling but precise. Curls of pale timber littered the floor. He was building something — a birdhouse, I realised, with tiny carved flowers along the roof. "I used to make these for your grandmother," he said without looking up. His voice was quiet, but steady. I watched his fingers work, guiding the chisel with a patience I had never noticed before. Each cut was deliberate. Each flower was different. When he finally held it up to the light, the shadows of the carved petals danced across the wall. He handed it to me. "For your windowsill," he said. And for the first time, I saw the artist behind the silence — a man who had spent decades shaping beautiful things for people he loved, asking for nothing in return. I carried the birdhouse to my room and set it by the window. The light caught the petals every morning after that, and each time, I thought of his hands — not slow, but careful.

Score: 23/25 (Band 6)

Dimension	Score	Commentary
Content & Detail	5/5	Single event explored with depth and originality. Specific imagery ("curls of pale timber", "shadows of carved petals") creates a vivid, memorable scene.
Structure & Cohesion	5/5	Clear arc from misperception to revelation. "But that Saturday morning" pivots effectively. Circular ending ("not slow, but careful") connects beautifully to the opening.
Style & Vocabulary	5/5	Sophisticated choices ("deliberate", "precise") and figurative language ("shadow that had forgotten how to leave"). Consistent, mature reflective voice throughout.
Sentence Variety	4/4	Excellent range: short fragments ("Slow to walk, slow to answer, slow to laugh") balanced with longer descriptive sentences. Rhythmic and controlled.
Punctuation	3/3	Dashes, commas, and dialogue punctuation all used accurately. Internal punctuation enhances readability and pacing.
Spelling	1/3	Generally accurate but minor inconsistencies noted.

What Makes This Band 6

This Year 6 level narrative demonstrates the qualities that separate Band 6 from Band 5:

• Originality: The metaphor of the grandfather as a "shadow" is unexpected and sustained throughout the piece
• Emotional restraint: Feelings are shown through actions and images, never stated directly
• Circular structure: "Slow" is reframed as "careful" at the end, providing genuine insight
• Precise vocabulary: Every word is chosen deliberately — "trembling but precise", "guiding the chisel"

Sample 3: Persuasive — Band 5 (Year 6 Level)

Prompt

Essay

Should a ten-year-old spend their Saturday solving equations instead of climbing trees? I believe that weekend homework does more harm than good, and schools should reconsider this outdated practice. Firstly, weekends provide essential rest for growing minds. Research consistently shows that children who have unstructured free time develop better problem-solving skills and creativity. When every hour is scheduled with academic tasks, students lose the opportunity to explore, play, and recharge. A tired student on Monday morning is not a productive one. Secondly, weekend homework takes away from valuable family time. Many families only have Saturday and Sunday to spend together, especially when both parents work. Replacing this time with worksheets sends the message that academic pressure matters more than connection — a message no child should receive. Some may argue that homework reinforces learning and builds discipline. While this is partly true for weeknight revision, weekend homework rarely introduces new skills. Instead, it often creates stress and resentment, which actually makes students less willing to learn. Schools should trust that five days of focused learning, combined with quality rest, is enough. Students deserve weekends that recharge them, not drain them. If we want children who love learning, we must first give them the space to breathe.

Score: 20/25 (Band 5)

Dimension	Score	Commentary
Content & Detail	4/5	Clear thesis with two well-developed arguments and a counterargument. Specific reasoning ("A tired student on Monday morning is not a productive one").
Structure & Cohesion	4/5	Strong logical flow: thesis → arguments → counterargument → conclusion. Effective use of "Firstly," "Secondly," and paragraph breaks.
Style & Vocabulary	4/5	Good rhetorical question opening, emotive language ("stress and resentment"), and formal tone. Direct address ("we") in conclusion is effective.
Sentence Variety	4/4	Strong mix: rhetorical question, short declarative statements, and longer complex sentences with embedded clauses.
Punctuation	3/3	Dashes, commas after introductory phrases, and rhetorical question marks all used correctly.
Spelling	1/3	Generally accurate but minor inconsistencies noted.

This Year 6 persuasive essay shows strong Band 5 qualities: a clear thesis, well-structured arguments with evidence, and a counterargument that demonstrates mature thinking. The rhetorical question opening and memorable conclusion are effective persuasive techniques.

How to Improve to Band 6

• Add more vivid and original details — go beyond effective description to truly surprising or memorable imagery
• Use more advanced stylistic techniques — metaphor, personification, or deliberate sentence fragments for effect
• Strengthen the emotional impact — deepen the reflection at the end, make the reader feel something
• Ensure perfect spelling accuracy — even one or two errors can cost marks in Set B

Key Takeaway

Band 5 writing is: clear, structured, and engaging.

Band 6 writing goes further by being: more original, more precise, and more impactful.

The difference is often in the details — a more unexpected word choice, a more powerful ending, a sentence that makes the marker pause and re-read.

How to Practise with Feedback

Students improve fastest when they:

• Write regularly under timed conditions
• Receive detailed feedback across all 6 scoring dimensions
• Rewrite based on specific suggestions

Tools like EurekaWrite help identify exactly where marks are lost and what to improve next — giving students a clear path from Band 4 to Band 5 and beyond.